Well, today was "Therapy Thursday"! As I love expanding my mental health so much. So, I discussed the run of the mill stuff that I do. Then, I briefly I started to talk about this gentlemen that I have been dealing with recently.
This particular gentlemen is not the typical guy that I would date. However, there are a lot of things about him I like. He has great conversation and an excellent communicator! He is sensitive and a good listener as well. I enjoy the time we share. However, there are some "signs" to could be "red flags"!
For example, he has two kids by two different women. This is not a problem for me but the way he deals with them does generate problems. See, he has a daughter by one woman and does not see the daughter. Him and the mother can not communicate. Therefore, he does not see the child. He has stopped paying child support because she won't let him see the child.
On the other hand, the relationship he has with his son's mother is unclear. However, it appears that he has a better relationship with her. He will take the son and spend time with him, frequently.
Now, the reason why I am bother by all of this is because I have a daughter. Although, he is not my daughter's father and I don't know anything about the circumstances their relationship(s). I do know that because my daughter is girl, her father could care less about her existence. Men being so fixated on the sex of their child is stupid to me. Child are children, and they didn't ask to be here. Little girls need their father just as much, if not more...
Moving forward, as I spoke with my therapist. I discussed how I same resembles to my daughter's father. Things that were good and things that I didn't like... We didn't get into a deep conversation but I did ponder about whether or not I was going to continue to see him. I had kind of distanced myself from him because I didn't want history to repeat himself. Then again, I thought to myself he could be different.
So as I was driving down the road, I called him. He answered. The conversation was easy and free flowing. He kind of in a round about way said that he missed me, and vice versa. He asked why hasn't he heard from me, and I told him--space. As the conversation proceeded, he said you know what-- "You are like my daughter's mother"! I laughed, and said you remind me too much like my daughter's father, and honestly that's why I haven't been calling because I didn't want to get caught up with something I dealt with before. we talked about our past relationship issues for a while. I can honestly say that I was able to distinguish a difference. I felt a little more comfortable about dealing with him.
In closing, you may meet someone new that may remind you of someone from the past. However, they may not be that person that you thought you know. You may be able to take the girl part of the person from the past and have a future with someone new. Long story short... take a chance! You never know what you may discover!
Peace & Blessings...
Mrs. Make It Happen
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Telling someone how you feel is never a bad thing!
I have so many friends, young & old, and I always notice that many of them have the same core issue. Many people are searching for love. Love is a BIG thing. When we don't have it, we are often lost and confused, and left unsure with where to go. However, when we have love there are no limits to where you can go.
Example, I look at my own family dynamics. My Grandmother was not raised by her Mother, for reasons is still unclear to me. Although, the relationship between my grandmother and I was wonderful. The relationship between her and my mother was horrible. They spent years bickering and arguing, not speaking to each... and being in competition among themselves. Now, from the part of their relationship that I saw... it was rarely positive unless they were shopping. However, they never really spent good quality time together. I rarely saw my grandmother hug my mother just for no reason. Now, this brings me to the present time. As a child growing up, my mother's love was more financial and material than emotional and physical. So growing up, I was always under the impression that love was monetary or in the form of a gift and/or present.
However, in my teenage years I was quick to learn that money and material things just didn't matter. When I was going through my rough times, my mother was almost always emotionally disconnected. I was so angry that my mother was never there for me. She always was too busy with her own problems. Later on in life, by developing my own path in life, examining my family dynamics, and trials and tribulations I learned a few key factors about my mother. First, off she spent most of her life being depressed. Second, she didn't handle relationships well. Third, she spent a lot of time hiding her pain and was a functioning alcoholic. Now, what does all this mean? It means that it probably wasn't that she didn't love me or doesn't want to love me but that she was fighting her own demons and didn't know how.
As a teenager, I found myself in many situations that could have probably been avoided, if I just had a mother's love. A warm sense of being. When I was about 16, my mother put me out of the house. Primarily because the alcohol spent most of the time occupying her mind. So she would have these violent fits of rage, and want to fight. She didn't want to be responsible for my younger sister, which was mainly the cause of many of our disagreements. So long story short because I wanted to be a normal teenager, go to the movies, hang with my friends, and go to the mall; I was punished by being thrown out of the house.
Where did I end up? On the streets, associating with shady characters and doing things that were just not cool.
One day in my troubled teenage days, I went to visit a friend. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I thought I was just going to say hey to my homie but I found something else there that day. I walked in the house and to my surprise her mother was there. She was standing in the living room, and didn't say one word to me. What she did next astonished me. She opened her arms and gave me the biggest hug. I cried. I had been through so much, and was so confused about being alone and on the streets. I was so thankful that this almost stranger at this point, felt I was important enough to show her affection.
From that day on, I ended up staying with her for quite a while. I spent months living with her and learning about love through her actions. Now, it was so funny what life teaches you. I was always under the impression that love comes from the wallet but at this stage in my life I have finally learned what love means and that love it comes from the heart. This woman became very instrumental in my life, to the point where I called her momma and she treated me as her daughter.
A few year ago, she passed away. Again, it is funny where life takes you. At the one point in my adult life where I was able to have a positive relationship with my mother, my momma was dying. I was devastated! I lost one of the only people in my life who loved me. Someone who was unafraid to say it or show it! Her legacy was the fact that she loved me for who I was, good or bad. If I was imperfect for a day, a week, a month, or even a year... it was alright in her book. I am so thankful for that, I would not be the woman I am today if I didn't have someone to show me the true meaning of love.
Now, that I am of age and a parent of my own. I am so grateful to have learned the lessons of love. Through my experiences, I am able to teach me daughter how to love. Showing love and receiving love are powerful things. I love my daughter for who she is. Although, she is a WONDERFUL child and I would love to give her the world. I give her the gift of love. Love is one of the things you can always keep.
Six years after my daughter's birth, I can't stand her father. However, if she ever asked I will tell her that she was conceived out of love. When her father and I were making her, we were very much in love. I loved him from my head through to my toes. It is so important for her to know that because almost seven years later, we can't stand each other. However, truth be told there are many things I still love about him. If he wasn't such an ass, I would have tried to make it work. However, our relationship was not going to be conducive to my future.
In closing, it is ok to tell someone you love them. When you share your feeling for a person, not only are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable but you are making someone else feel good, too! I tell my friends all the time, I love you! At first many are taken off guard, not because I said it but because they don't hear it. The world is such a cold place. So tell someone you love them, express your feelings. I tell people all the time that I love them. This is a way of letting them know I value their friendship, and I care. Have you told someone that you loved them, today?
Peace & Blessings...
Mrs. MakeItHappen
Example, I look at my own family dynamics. My Grandmother was not raised by her Mother, for reasons is still unclear to me. Although, the relationship between my grandmother and I was wonderful. The relationship between her and my mother was horrible. They spent years bickering and arguing, not speaking to each... and being in competition among themselves. Now, from the part of their relationship that I saw... it was rarely positive unless they were shopping. However, they never really spent good quality time together. I rarely saw my grandmother hug my mother just for no reason. Now, this brings me to the present time. As a child growing up, my mother's love was more financial and material than emotional and physical. So growing up, I was always under the impression that love was monetary or in the form of a gift and/or present.
However, in my teenage years I was quick to learn that money and material things just didn't matter. When I was going through my rough times, my mother was almost always emotionally disconnected. I was so angry that my mother was never there for me. She always was too busy with her own problems. Later on in life, by developing my own path in life, examining my family dynamics, and trials and tribulations I learned a few key factors about my mother. First, off she spent most of her life being depressed. Second, she didn't handle relationships well. Third, she spent a lot of time hiding her pain and was a functioning alcoholic. Now, what does all this mean? It means that it probably wasn't that she didn't love me or doesn't want to love me but that she was fighting her own demons and didn't know how.
As a teenager, I found myself in many situations that could have probably been avoided, if I just had a mother's love. A warm sense of being. When I was about 16, my mother put me out of the house. Primarily because the alcohol spent most of the time occupying her mind. So she would have these violent fits of rage, and want to fight. She didn't want to be responsible for my younger sister, which was mainly the cause of many of our disagreements. So long story short because I wanted to be a normal teenager, go to the movies, hang with my friends, and go to the mall; I was punished by being thrown out of the house.
Where did I end up? On the streets, associating with shady characters and doing things that were just not cool.
One day in my troubled teenage days, I went to visit a friend. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I thought I was just going to say hey to my homie but I found something else there that day. I walked in the house and to my surprise her mother was there. She was standing in the living room, and didn't say one word to me. What she did next astonished me. She opened her arms and gave me the biggest hug. I cried. I had been through so much, and was so confused about being alone and on the streets. I was so thankful that this almost stranger at this point, felt I was important enough to show her affection.
From that day on, I ended up staying with her for quite a while. I spent months living with her and learning about love through her actions. Now, it was so funny what life teaches you. I was always under the impression that love comes from the wallet but at this stage in my life I have finally learned what love means and that love it comes from the heart. This woman became very instrumental in my life, to the point where I called her momma and she treated me as her daughter.
A few year ago, she passed away. Again, it is funny where life takes you. At the one point in my adult life where I was able to have a positive relationship with my mother, my momma was dying. I was devastated! I lost one of the only people in my life who loved me. Someone who was unafraid to say it or show it! Her legacy was the fact that she loved me for who I was, good or bad. If I was imperfect for a day, a week, a month, or even a year... it was alright in her book. I am so thankful for that, I would not be the woman I am today if I didn't have someone to show me the true meaning of love.
Now, that I am of age and a parent of my own. I am so grateful to have learned the lessons of love. Through my experiences, I am able to teach me daughter how to love. Showing love and receiving love are powerful things. I love my daughter for who she is. Although, she is a WONDERFUL child and I would love to give her the world. I give her the gift of love. Love is one of the things you can always keep.
Six years after my daughter's birth, I can't stand her father. However, if she ever asked I will tell her that she was conceived out of love. When her father and I were making her, we were very much in love. I loved him from my head through to my toes. It is so important for her to know that because almost seven years later, we can't stand each other. However, truth be told there are many things I still love about him. If he wasn't such an ass, I would have tried to make it work. However, our relationship was not going to be conducive to my future.
In closing, it is ok to tell someone you love them. When you share your feeling for a person, not only are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable but you are making someone else feel good, too! I tell my friends all the time, I love you! At first many are taken off guard, not because I said it but because they don't hear it. The world is such a cold place. So tell someone you love them, express your feelings. I tell people all the time that I love them. This is a way of letting them know I value their friendship, and I care. Have you told someone that you loved them, today?
Peace & Blessings...
Mrs. MakeItHappen
Soulja Boy... you!!!
Ok, so I am back to my blog. I was reading about Soulja Boy being robbed over the holiday and I was in shock. Now let me pause for a moment-- I usually don't give issues like this my attention because after I am a starving artist and celebrity gossip isn't productive. However, when I saw that not only was he robbed but the people who robbed him had the audacity to make a YouTube video about the robbery. I must say, today we live in a world of America's Most Dumbest Criminals. How bold are you to rob someone, boast about it, and make a video? I guess no one every told these idiots about an IP address. Well, for those of you who don't know... An IP address logs where the Internet connection is coming from.
BTW, check out this article... http://www.rap-up.com/2009/01/03/soulja-boy-robbed-at-gunpoint-at-home/
So long story short, hopefully the dumb asses who robbed Soulja Boy are caught fast! Otherwise, there will be a string of criminals who feel it is ok to commit crimes and put it online.
Singing Off...
Mrs. Make It Happen
BTW, check out this article... http://www.rap-up.com/2009/01/03/soulja-boy-robbed-at-gunpoint-at-home/
So long story short, hopefully the dumb asses who robbed Soulja Boy are caught fast! Otherwise, there will be a string of criminals who feel it is ok to commit crimes and put it online.
Singing Off...
Mrs. Make It Happen
